Black Holes: theory and practical advice

A picosecond after finalising a black hole theory

Black holes are these singular cosmic oddities which are so dense that they collapse on themselves and attract everything in their vicinity. Even photons, no matter what their confession or wavelength are, cannot escape (that's why some smart ass has appropriately named them black holes). Because of their sheer gravitational force, their inner core is a bizarre place where time and space are not quite the same notions as the ones you are used to, and expect to find, when you go to your local grocery shop or even to the local pub.

Now after the theory, some practical advice.
What to do when threatened by a black hole ?

• stay calm
• don't engage in any conversation and keep your distances. They are pervert cosmic thugs
• don't accept candies
• throw some photons to buy some time
• don't look at the black hole directly, first because they are susceptible and second because you won't see anything
• a proven technique to confuse black holes is to ask them the question "What time is it ?". This will throw them in a state of deep Heisenbergian uncertainty and will leave you a certain time to escape.

Hope these advices will be useful.
Happy intergalactic journey !